Blimey. There’s so many distractions and demands on your time. I never get chance to take a step back. The 1st of December rattles onto the 26th without pause.

I used to say “No one loves Christmas more than a criminal client.” in my days as a practising legal aid lawyer.

Reflecting on this, I think the emotional connection between my clients and Christmas was an expression of the desire for happiness, family harmony, warmth, and love. All the things missing from those struggling at the bottom of the snakes and ladders board of life.

How unbearable the new John Lewis, or any Christmas advert, to any and everyone, not sat around a food loaded table of rosy cheeked actors, all lightly dressed in a warm home. Throwing their heads back in mutual appreciation of each others wit. The pressure to consume when you have fuck all.

And yet, and yet. It’s not that. It’s deeply primal. A desire to be wanted in a room with people who love you and people you love. People who know you for who you are or were. This the heart of yearning and silence. Of dropped eye contact and a wiped nose.

Weird times, but times have always been weird. More divided – less happy. More fragile and shrill. I’m deeply grateful. Yet strangely disconnected.
Feeling exactly the same as my clients.

Happy Christmas.